That's right, 31 Seconds Changed My Life............
Let me share this story with you.
When I was 5: As he grabbed her arm and thew my Mom across the room, its seemed in slow motion. As a matter of fact, the millions of times, I have thought of this memory I only see it in slow motion.
As she landed on the floor, she rolled over onto her back and I ran across the bedroom over to her and grabbed her hand, as she looked up at me, all I could do is look at the the blood on her lips and with the tears running down my face, she looked up at me and smiled.
As she smiled, she told me in Spanish, "Me Hijito, no te preocupes, todo va a estar bien". :My Son, do not worry, its going to be alright". I remember being frightened but her words made me believe it was going to be alright.
And just to give you a little back story about my parents. My parents married in their teens in Germany and had me not long after they got married. My Dad was a tall, proud German guy and my Mom and 5Ft tall spit fire latina lady. They both had super strong personalities and they both never wanted to lose a fight. The unfortunate side of their love for each other was that they were both so young and did'nt know how to handle the pressures of adult life at 18 and baby at the same time.
Now, to fast forward to present day. I want you all to know, that the memories I have about my Dad's abuse and Mom's never yielding strength is ingrained in me is so many different ways.
And has lead me to understand that all the decisions I have ever made come directly from all that I experienced growing up. Seeing my Mom being beaten regularly had a profound impact on me and the distance My Dad had towards me as a kid left an even deeper impression on me and many of the choices I made in life and behaviors I exhibited both towards myself and towards others are traceable to what I lived through.
Because you see, for me it was not as simple as watching my parents want to destroy each other on a daily basis, all of their poor behavior towards one another eventually came around to me. The abused became the abuser and original abuser, my Dad, only saw me as burden to have to endure and deal with
and that relationship with the 2 of them has lead me to now.
And me now is a person who at times has been successful, at times has not trusted anyone, at times attempted to hurt myself, caused me to find lifelines in playing individual sports, caused me to make really bad decision, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, anger, loneliness, overly sexed and a life time of battling severe depression and never really being able to love anyone.
But, I always, always, always found my way back, even from the worst lows and worst decisions. And what I can tell you is that no amount of set back ever stopped me from achieving in my career.
And what I want you to know from this post is, I have spent a life time of looking for love and success just to prove my parents wrong. Just so I can show them that the hate the had towards me has not stopped me and even though internally I am still deeply damaged, they didn't beat me.
Finally, I want you to know, this post was not about my parents, it was about me, about surviving tragedy and hoping that even if one person understands that no matter what is happening to you, you have to keep going and I promise you, if you are not feeling loved, I send my love to you and know you are going to thrive, you just have to believe.